Brave and Honest
by Irish Ghost
Summary: Sarah Eaton is Tobias' older sister. She has protected him since the death of their mother, until now. Today is her aptitude test, and she knows that she will deflect regardless of what her results are. Her only regret: that she must leave Tobias with... him. May her forgive her, but she cannot be Abnegation. Not anymore. OFC, no pairing yet.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Well, my readers... it's been an interesting year. I've deleted more stories than posted, and for that I make no apologies. 'The First' was removed because I finally pierced the Gordian Knot: it can't be written in the scope that I picture in my head, not yet at least. It is still percolating in the back of my mind. Perhaps, it will be written one day, or maybe not.**

**I've been working on my original story, and in that, I've had more success. It's plodding along, bit by bit. My hope is to publish it before the end of next year. I will be updating this in the mean while, as I plot out my ideas.**

**With that, I give you this: 'Brave and Honest'. This is not a fix with yet another Divergent deflecting from their faction. Instead, read my summary, and follow me on this journey.**

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><p>It was a typical day for the Abnegation dependent. She had walked with her younger brother to attend school. During her lessons, she paid attention carefully and took notes to show respect to her instructors, while in her heart, she could care less about Faction History or Mathematics. During the lunch hour, she did as was expected, and silently ate around her fellow Abnegation dependents. When school was completed and after she had seen her brother home safely, she walked among the factionless with bread and water from her bag, offering them what she could. When she was finished, she had prepared dinner for the family before her father arrived home from the Council, expecting food on the table. When her father spoke during the dimly lit meal, she listened in silence while making sure that her brother ate well, before cleaning up for the night and ensuring that her brother completed his homework alongside her. When the clock gently chimed after sunset, it was time for bed. Tomorrow was another day: the same as always.<p>

Sarah Eaton, on this day after her sixteenth birthday, lamented that she had found the method of losing herself in her tasks long ago: it was to make herself so small, a seed within her mind and heart. When she made herself into that blank canvas, she could move forward in her ascribed tasks. Most days, she was no one as she worked alongside the full members of her family's faction.

It was better to be no one, to feel nothing, to be nothing, than to be herself. When she was no one, she no longer mattered. She did not have to feel the bruises on her back and legs, or the scars on her arms. She was away from this place, from these people, at least in the smallest corner of her mind. The rest of her automatically took up the tasks around her without asking... how selfless she portrayed herself to be towards others. If she were to behave like her true self, she would have been exiled from the faction long ago, leaving her brother defenceless. She could not protect him if she were factionless.

She turned in bed and stared up at the ceiling. She found herself unable to sleep, her mind refusing to shut down. Her most recent set of bruises were painting her back with broad strokes of agony, detailing her legs with thin stripes of bloodied heat. Her father was angry once more, trying to improve her behaviour into that of the perfect Abnegation member. The ugly truth of the matter was that he was succeeding... Bit by bit, what made her Sarah was eroding away from the lashes, the careless severity of his diatribes, and his cold black eyes. As he continued doing this, she could guarantee that Sarah would be no more by the beginning of winter. He would not get that chance, though.

Quietly, she slipped out of bed and pulled a bundle out from under her bed before climbing out her window. It was chilly in the night air, so she donned her jacket. It was a short distance to the roof, and she no longer needed the rope that she had used as a child to make the ascent. Instead, she simply pulled herself up using her arms.

Tucking her formless grey gown under her legs as she sat on the roof, Sarah looked up to the far off pinpricks of starlight as she reached for the bundle. Her sketchbook fell out of the rumpled fabric as she shook it loose and wrapped the blanket around her covered shoulders. Flipping open to a fresh page, she began to slowly sketch the stars above.

This was her safe place, her haven. Here, she could reclaim what bits of herself had not been stripped away with the belt and the back of Marcus' hand. Her father had not discovered it yet, and she had not told young Tobias: her twelve-year old brother was incapable of keeping a secret, and she would never ask that of him. The night was safe: cold, unyielding, dark. She was not afraid of the dark, not when her father used to lock her in her closet when 'she was misbehaving'. It could have been as small an infraction as being late at curfew, or missing a vegetable on her plate. After her mother died, she received beatings for every infraction that she and Tobias accrued in his eyes.

She had to endure her beatings as Tobias was locked away in the closet, trying her best not to scream or cry. She prayed to her father's nameless god as she lost herself beneath the lash of his belt. It was not always for her infractions that she was punished. She would place herself between her father and Tobias every time. She was completely selfless in that regard: her 'blessed' father, in the eyes of the Abnegation, would never lay a finger on Tobias if she stood between them and took the beatings.

How many times had her father commanded her to read aloud the manifesto of his faction? Thinking that if she spoke it enough, then the words would sink into her bones and change her stature to head bowed, quiet eyes, vulnerable girl. She was not. She could not be Abnegation, despite her rigorous training and conditioning.

Sarah thought back to her mother, Evelyn. She mourned that she could not remember what her mother looked like, past the serene face and gentle eyes that Sarah painted on her face through the naive eyes of a child. Marcus had forbidden Tobias and her to mention her name anymore under the roof, for it would have been selfish to hold on to her memory instead of letting her go. It had been six years since she had died, since they had attended her funeral. It had been raining that day. She had bowed her head during the burial, to hide the bruises that her father had bestowed on her when he discovered her crying in her room.

No one knew, of course, that Marcus abused her so. Not even Andrew Prior, the second-in-command on the Council, had an inkling. Marcus had perfected the ability of two-facedness: the selfless leader of the Abnegation, and the blank-faced man that belted his daughter and locked away his son. If they did, they never spoke up: it would be selfish to think that _they _could raise children better. No… better to submit to others, to bear their burdens along with your own. As a person, you don't matter, for you don't exist.

Her aptitude test was tomorrow. Mere days after her birthday, she was expected to make one of the biggest choices of her life. She would be expected to choose the faction that she would remain in for the rest of her life, to remain or to defect. Sarah knew this for certain: she was not Abnegation, no matter how hard her father beat her.

A tear crawled down her face, and Sarah hurriedly wiped it away. Her father was a heavy sleeper, but the fear that she could wake him with her quiet tears nonetheless drove her into the expected submission.

But… soon she would not be in Abnegation. Soon, she would be free from him. Her only regret would be that she would have to leave Tobias behind, to bear their father's wrath. Tobias knew what Marcus was, even if the rest of their faction refused to believe it. They alone knew the truth.

Sarah raised her eyes to the sky, closing her notebook and tucking it away. The cold air struck at her skin as she stood and whispered to the unblinking stars. "I make my own choices. I serve those around me, because I choose to. I will never forget them, but I will never forget myself. I rely on myself, until I can trust my brothers and sisters. I will not disappear."

As she climbed off the roof and back into her room, for the first time in a long time, Sarah smiled. In her selfishness, she would find freedom, and the regrets that came with it. She could only hope that Tobias would forgive her for deflecting, regardless of what her test results were.


	2. Chapter 2

Gentle knocking at her door woke up Sarah from the remnants of her sleep, deprived as it was. "Sarah, come down for breakfast." Tobias' small voice rang through her door, quiet enough not to wake their father but just loud enough to wake her. It was important to let their father be until he was ready to come down. Woe to the child that woke him up before his time: both of the Eaton children had learned that lesson.

"Thank you, Tobias. I'll be down in a few minutes." Her legs swung over the edge of her bed as she heard his footsteps recede, pushing her blankets aside. Today was it: the day of her aptitude test. Her stomach began to turn over and over, knotting itself with nerves. She slid into her gown and jacket, doing up her boots before standing. Closing her eyes, she wrapped her hair until into the bun of Abnegation women. It would not be like this for long: today was her haircut. She would need to go to the Priors for only women can cut the hair of women, and they were one of the few families that she trusted. Leaning back over her bed, she flipped the sheets into order. There... with the little that she had been given, she was ready.

Slowly walking down the stairs, she smiled at the sight before her. Tobias had been up early, by the contents of the table. He had made her favourite: warm oatmeal and milk. He had even washed the dishes before coming to get her. Truly selfless, he made this a special day for her. He stood by the table, looking down at the floor.

"Thank you, Tobias." The smile on his face brightened up the entire room. They sat down together at the table. Tobias waited for her to start, gently tapping his spoon against the table. When she took the first bite, her eyes widened. Flavours burst across her tongue, something she had never tasted before. She shot her gaze to Tobias, looking sheepish in his sight. "What did you do? It tastes so different: so... amazing!" She closed her eyes, trying to remember the flavours and imprinting them on her memory.

"I... I went to the market a few days ago, while you were helping Father with something for the Council. The man said that butter and spices made oatmeal taste better. He gave me just enough for you. I wanted this to be a special day for you, since we didn't celebrate your birthday." Fear struck him. "Just don't tell Father, please?"

"This will be our secret, Tobias. Thank you so much." Normally, she would lecture him on Abnegation's need for simplicity and plainness. Today, she couldn't bring herself to care about that. "What will you do today?" With today being the Test, all other ages were excused from school. She couldn't watch him for the morning, but the afternoon was theirs.

"I will go and feed the factionless with the others, but I want to do something with you in the afternoon, just us. Something that we will never forget." His dark blue eyes sparked with joy, until schooling his features. Sarah knew the only reason behind his quiet change. She poured a little milk into her oatmeal to visually hide the gift of flavour. "Good morning, Father."

"Morning, children." The gentle lilt behind his words should have been a comfort, but instead made his children straighten in fear. When he sat down, both went quiet and tucked their chins closer to their chests. At meals, it was the children's role to be ears for the parents, not to question and burden them. They could speak after the meal was completed and the dishes were done. "Sarah, when dinner is completed, you will help me to prepare for the Choosing Ceremony tomorrow. It is Abnegation's turn to lead this year. Tobias, I hope that you will choose selfless action today while your sister is undergoing her aptitude test."

Sarah raised her head to look at her father. The only trait shared between father and daughter were Marcus' blue eyes. According to her geography books, that blue is the same color as the deepest depths of the ocean: not quite black, but the deepest of navy blues. While Sarah knew that her hair was the color of the moist soil in the Amity fields, Marcus' shorn hair was slightly lighter and thinner. The stark features on their father's face were as carved from ice, where Sarah remembered that her features were softer.

She shook her head: vanity was selfish. Even if she wanted to look in the mirror more often, why should she? She made sure that she was clean, dressed properly, and groomed. That was all that she ever needed.

When she had finished her special oatmeal, Sarah dared to speak up. "Father, may I have your permission to go to the Priors before the Test? It is my day for a haircut."

"Of course, Sarah. Natalie will be expecting you soon" Marcus was finishing also. "It is Tobias' turn to clean the dishes, and it appears that he is nearly done as well."

Chairs scrapped against the floor. Sarah collected the breakfast dishes before turning to her brother. "I won't be long. Please, be ready when I come back. I'll drop you off at the market before going to school."

"Yes, Sarah." She tucked her jacket closer to her, a chill running across her shoulders at the thought of leaving Tobias alone with her father, even for that short time. Her feet moved faster among the streets, finding the Prior house among the identical fabricated shelters, yet another symbol of Abnegation selflessness. She knocked on the door quietly, hoping that she would not disturb the family at breakfast.

Her eyes smiled when Natalie Prior opened the door, bowing her head to the older woman. Natalie was... well, she was beautiful. Her eyes were warm, like cinnamon that Sarah had seen once at the market. Her hair was a similar shade, golden highlights showing that she had spent much time in the sun. Gentle features smiled at Sarah as she invited her in.

"My apologies for interrupting you, but it is my haircut day..."

"Of course, Sarah. Your father mentioned it to me. Come: Beatrice and Caleb are clearing the table now. Andrew will be leaving for work soon." Natalie never placed a hand on Sarah's shoulder, but with a gentle motion guided her towards the kitchen. True to her words, her two young children were clearing the dining table in the next room over, and her husband was reading the newspaper quietly. Natalie pulled out a chair for Sarah to sit on by the sink, placing a towel on the floor around to catch the fallen strands. As Sarah removed her jacket, Beatrice returned to the table only to place the scissors and brush discreetly within arm's reach.

Natalie never let Sarah help with her haircuts. Each pin was removed until the bun fell undone against her back. A small gasp came from Beatrice, which Natalie ignored. Beatrice was still learning the ways of Abnegation, being two years younger than Tobias. The best thing that Sarah could do was ignore the gasp and move on, just like her mother. With patient hands, the brush made its way from her scalp to the frayed ends over and over until there were no more knots or tangles.

This was the part that Sarah disliked the most: the sound of the scissors. Even though Natalie was gentle, not tugging on her hair or snipping quickly, it was the grating of metal on metal as the blades snicked back and forth. It reminded Sarah of the leather strop that Marcus used for his razor: that same back and forth scrapping. He had never used the blade on his children, yet. Sarah could only pray that he never would. The belt and his massive hands were more than enough of a deterrent for any misbehaviour, imaginary or real.

For a moment, she closed her eyes to block out the noise of the scissors. She tried to paint the stars in her mind, remembering their placement from the night before: the bright pinpoints that laid out the constellations, and the duller shine from the more distant stars. It was like a puzzle, a way to distract her. Only when Natalie gently tapped her shoulder when she had finished tucking her black-brown hair back into its bun, did Sarah open her eyes again.

"Where did you disappear to?" A small quirk of her lips betrayed Natalie's calm demeanour. How she had mastered being selfless and funny at the same time was a mystery beyond Sarah's ken.

"The skies above, trying to fly around the stars." Sarah bowed her head, feeling the decreased weight of hair on her neck. Here, she could be honest with Natalie. She was the only one that knew about Sarah's haven on the roof, and that she used it to seek peace when her active mind refused to let her sleep. Natalie did not know about the beatings. No one knew. If they did, they didn't believe her. "Thank you, Natalie. It appears that I was in quite a need."

"It was my pleasure, Sarah. I will see you at the Testing today." Sarah knelt, picking up the towel on the floor carefully to not spread the cuttings on the floor.

"I will see you there, if you are my tester." Sarah tried to smile, but it did not feel natural this time. Perhaps it was the thought of her father, her demons providing a stormy cover on a day that should be exciting for her. Bowing her head a third time, she sat up and gently placed the towel in the laundry hamper, picking her jacket up from the back of her chair. "Thank you once again, Natalie."

Tobias was waiting for her outside their door, both of their bags in his hand. It was time. As they walked to the bus, Sarah turned to her brother. "Tobias, this is a selfish question, but I must ask it. If... if I were to defect, if my test results were not Abnegation, will you promise me to look after yourself?"

"Always, Sarah. Always." With that, they boarded their buses: Tobias with the group to feed the factionless, and Sarah to the school. It was time for her test.


End file.
